I usually mutter something about natural selection and extinction when I see poorly placed dog feces, but let's face it: breeding is really, really easy (surprisingly easy, as in surprise! despite your best birth control efforts, here comes number four! --but I digress), which means the kind of idiot who can't comprehend that he himself may step in his own dog's excrement tomorrow when he walks this very same path, is the kind who'll be doing a lot of procreating.
I have two fantasy solutions to this issue. (The dog poo issue, not the procreating of idiots.)
Fantasy Dog Poo Solution A
You're walking in the park. You see a schnauzer lay a big steaming pile of poo. His braindead owner leaves it there and wanders on. You put on the plastic glove you carry for just this kind of moment, deposit the poo in the plastic bag you carry for just this kind of moment, and stroll nonchalantly behind Le Dipwad until he enters his home.
With luck, this will be before the poo has even cooled.
You open the plastic bag and pour its contents through the mail slot in the door, along with the note you carry around for just this kind of moment: "You seem to have forgotten this."
Fantasy Dog Poo Solution B
You're walking in the park. Pile of poo, plastic bag, nonchalant strolling.
This time, you have your toddler with you. Conveniently, your toddler has what is politely termed a full diaper.
As Dipwad fumbles with his keys, you flounce over to his front yard and make a show of changing your toddler's diaper. Because Dipwad is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, you help him grasp the situation: pinch your nose, wave your hand in front of your face, say "hoooo-eeee, don't that stink."
Then you throw the feces-laden diaper--still open; don't ruin it by wrapping it up!--into his front yard, and walk on.
6 comments:
Love it Kisa! I think I prefer solution 2! Spain is the same. We visit a lovely place every year and my only complaint is the dog poo. The whole clean up after their mess does not seem to have filtered through to various nations? Better be careful....we could start a war here. Happy new year by the way. I hope 2009 fulfills all your dreams. Fx
Happy new year, Fi!
There are lots of Dutch folks who think it's disgusting, too. Many dog owners do clean up after their dogs, but so many don't. Blech.
I like solution A
But, I think there should be some fire involved.
Hilarious post!
Ooh, fire! Great idea! Very "guy." :)
We had a dog and might have one again in future. But we always cleaned up and I *hate* it when other people don't. I tend to explain to our kids in a very loud voice that people who don't clean up after their dog are called anti-social. I actually have pointed out to people that their dog had pooped and that they appearantly had forgotten to clean it up.
My preferred solution is quite Dutch though: fine them! Heavily! Use the fines to pay salary for MORE people checking for roque dogowners. Every dogowners has to pay a yearly som in taxes to the commune (the proof is in a penning that has to be attached to the collar of the dog) and AFAIC they can spend it all on the dogpolice.
I actually came up with a brilliant poo plan: test the DNA of dog poo lying where it shouldn't be. Then fine the holy bejoojoo out of the owner.
It would require adding a lot of manpower, but I bet there are residents in every neighborhood who'd be willing to do it for very little money, or even for free, a couple of hours a month. And that's all it'd take, because you could be fined any time for turds your dog laid days, if not weeks, earlier. I think it would really help.
Most people complain about the "dog tax" in a way that sounds like their dog should be able to pee and poop wherever he likes BECAUSE they pay the tax. Sheesh.
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